How I Survived Britney – The Most Toxic Manager I’ve Ever Had
Toxic Leadership: How I Endured Britney's Tyranny
I’ve had quite a few managers in my corporate life. Most were simply going with the flow. A handful of them turned out to be exceptional guides and mentors. And one proved to be particularly toxic.
For the sake of this article, we’ll call her Britney—so she has at least one thing in common with the artist: that famous 2004 song, Toxic!
If you’re not careful, toxic managers can ruin your life in no time. They’re manipulative control freaks who lack empathy and won’t hesitate to gaslight you. It’s all about them and their interests.
You can always report them, but your whistleblower power might be limited at first, and it’s sometimes hard to assess how much support they have from senior executives.
I realize there’s no magic recipe, but here are three things a few close colleagues and I tested with some success while under Britney’s tyrannic and authoritarian power.
1. Handling Britney’s Micromanagement
To put it simply, Britney was never satisfied with our deliverables. She’d ask us to take the initiative, but then she would sadistically tell us how and where we did it wrong.
We quickly realized we were better off proactively providing her with frequent updates on our progress and openly asking for feedback. We also started documenting each of our interactions and agreements.
Along these lines, we made sure we followed every company rule. Britney was notorious for finding shortcuts and playing loose with our policies, so we became experts on what was possible and ensured she’d stick with the organization’s expectations.
Soon enough, Britney recognized that our integrity was higher than hers, and there wasn’t much she could attack us on. She also valued our reliability and openness, and while I’m not sure she “trusted” us more, at least she gave up micro-managing our efforts.
2 – Surviving Her Information Withholding
Like many toxic managers, Britney only shared information that benefited her and withheld information that could help others. This manipulative behavior led to a hostile work environment and a significant energy drain for all of us.
We took the initiative to seek out information independently in every possible alternative way—company emails, forums, and regular check-ins with colleagues and other cross-functional managers. That network of trusted sources helped us stay informed.
From there, I must admit I turned on my own manipulative side. In our one-on-one meetings with Britney, I proactively shared with her the critical information we had gathered from other sources related to our work.
On the surface, I was the team player, ensuring she got all the critical information. In reality, it was my way of saying I had my connections and could work effectively even without her insights.
It was a risky move. I’m sure Britney felt threatened at some point. She could have looked for any possible way to oust me. But that’s where my documenting of all the conversations, agreements, and alignments with her came in handy. She was gridlocked.
3 – Forcing Feedback on Britney
While I was finding ways to operate with dysfunctional Britney, the accumulation of my coworkers’ concerns about her toxicity led the human resources department to enroll an executive coach to work with her.
In a typical move, the coach asked Britney’s direct reports to complete a 360-degree review of her. We were instructed to frame our feedback constructively and non-confrontationally, focusing on specific behaviors, their impact, and potential solutions rather than personal criticism.
Britney acknowledged most of our feedback. Yet, she never took full responsibility for her shortcomings. There was always something for her to blame and show how misunderstood she was. Her manipulative nature had once again taken over.
After a few weeks, it became clear that Britney wouldn’t change. She kept harassing others, but something had changed.
The 360-degree review and forced feedback had exposed Britney’s manipulative nature to all.
It started to damage her credibility with upper management, and the ones who protected her couldn’t continue to do so.
Britney now had to face the music. She had gone too far, refused to change, and had accrued too many charges against her.
So, she did what so many toxic managers do. She left while it was still time, avoiding an embarrassing layoff.
She moved on to harass another team in another place, pursuing her flight forward until the next time.
The apparent impunity that toxic managers like Britney enjoy is why many of us despise corporate life.
But there’s always a silver lining. With method and determination, you can expose their destructive behaviors.
Changing their nature is practically impossible, but there are ways you can shield yourself from their toxicity and reduce their negative impact.
A great leader will help magnify your best qualities. I wanted to shine with or without Britney’s help, so I didn’t rely on her goodwill. Also, I was more disciplined than her, which served me well.
I was lucky, too.
But remember, if at some point, despite all your efforts, you realize you’re losing your sanity and health to a toxic leader, have your options handy and get ready to jump off the sinking ship if need be.